Lost in translation

Sometimes I feel alone and that I'm not understood. I spend almost every waking moment with Shannon and it takes a tole on my heart for several reasons. She's so amazing to me but she was once someone else's and it drives me into a sad state. She was so beautiful and young when she was with him. Now when i look at the pictures that she keeps in her memories photo album is makes me sad. I wish that i didn't have a urge to look. I can't fight the urge to ask about hear about her special anniversaries or birthdays with candles. It seems so romantic. I tried to take a swim with her last night and it was really sweet. (after I saw one of my ex girl friends) I was swimming with her and she had her arms wrapped around me and I went to kiss her and all I got was a tongue. It's a cute game we used to play but it definitely killed to mood when we were together. This game is something that she did when we were first dating and it turned into a very unpleasant, romantic killer. I wish I could connect on another level with her. It seems like were in very different places in our lives. I do know that I love her.
When we were first dating I couldn't get her to shut up about ex and now I can't stop thinking about her when she was with him. Thinking about sex, romantic memories, vacations, and special summer activities. I was never her first and I will never be. I wish I could be more apart of her life. I just picked up where he left off and now all the memories we have are watching tv and eating pizza. Maybe we will grow closer when we are further apart. Or maybe we will be pulled apart by our different lives. I hope I get to spend the rest of our lives together but I know there will be an empty place in me if we were to ever separate.