She left for Mexico

November 23, 2009

Dear Shannon,
I have grown to love you with all my heart. I fed you when you had nothing and gave you what I could. I cared about you when no one else would. I gave when I had little and I wanted you to return the favor.
I’m writing this letter this morning at 5:04 am after you left for mexico. I know that you enjoyed Tyler in mexico and you guys had a wonderful time. I feel sad that I was not considered or asked to go with your family. I’m sure Tyler was close with your family and knew them better than I do. It’s hard to know that I will probably never be asked to go to Cabos with your family. The worst part is that I would have asked my family if you could go with us on our family vacations, especially if I had a free ticket.
I started to think about this not before but after Scott had begun to ask me why I wasn’t going. The thought had not crossed my mind. There has always been things that I would gladly do for you but that you have never considered returning the favor. I knew that once you received a pay check to buy food you would not come on the week days to see me in Denver and when I asked you said that you would. I would never eat a meal with out giving you or making you the same. It was an unspoken rule that I would never let you be hungry if I could help it. I never received the same. I knew that when it came to your happiness you would always choose that over me. I knew that if Jeff had taken an interest in you then I would have lost you forever, and perhaps for the better.
Recently, you’ve learned more about my past and ultimately about my future. When we knew each other, but not well enough, I began to ask questions. Many of them I didn’t want to know the answer too but asked anyway because I wanted to know what you valued in life. I knew that you might leave me if I stopped having sex with you. I knew that you might have sex with Christopher if you had enough alcohol. I knew that if I had an opinion it would only stand true in your mind if and only if you experienced without taking my word for it. I knew that the time I spent with you wasn’t as important to you as it was for me, and it showed every month on the 14th.
There have been times in the past where you have hurt me based on your actions, unknowingly. We’ve grown to know each other better than I’ve ever been with another human being. I hope we can continue our union but in the case that we cannot I wanted to write this letter of prediction. A letter stating that we may not make it in this life or the next but that it was an experience that will last a life time, and for the most part, I enjoyed the ride.
You understand more than anyone the nature of hormones in my body and mind. I have sacrificed many days and nights of dreams that were once mine and never will be again, for you. This letter is a statement of truth that will prove to me that our love is greater than the physical world. What ever comes in the future can only tell your true feelings for me. From here on out I will not have sex with you for one month. I will refrain in any way possible to see my convictions through to the end. My prediction and hypothesis is that you will leave me, in your own way. I asked you once, if you would leave me if sex was not part of our relationship and without hesitation the answer was apparent.
Your greatest value in life is to love and be loved and if sex is what you care about then I understand.
Sincerely yours,
Michael DeSantes