When u'r heart and mind are aligned

I try to believe like I believed when I was 5... when your heart tells you everything you need to know. ~ Lucy Liu The same voice in your mind that told you to act, is the same voice that ridicules you later for making that choice. Unfortunately, it’s typical in our society to feel a conflict between what we want to do (our heart) and what we feel is practical (our mind). We end up living one third of our lives in a cubicle for the “benefits.” We stay friends with people we only kind of like. We do and say things to fit in and seem cool that really go against what we feel is right in our hearts. Is your heart at fault? Are your feelings just silly and frivolous? Or maybe it’s your mind that’s to blame. It might seem like it’s always coming up with conflicting messages anyway. And on it goes and we never really seem to get to it. There’s a lot of social conditioning that covers up and obscures things too. Even if you really feel like that’s the right choice, how do you know for sure? How do you know it’s not just what you think you should do? All of this might sound a little over the top, but it’s a real problem. It ruins lives because people can’t make up their minds about whether or not the path of their heart is valid or not. They end up living a shadow of the possibility that they could. All because they couldn’t make up their mind. There’s a simple answer to this problem. It might seem even a little too simple. But most things are. Bruce Lee once said “The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” First, let’s take a look at where this problem starts.

She left for Mexico

November 23, 2009

Dear Shannon,
I have grown to love you with all my heart. I fed you when you had nothing and gave you what I could. I cared about you when no one else would. I gave when I had little and I wanted you to return the favor.
I’m writing this letter this morning at 5:04 am after you left for mexico. I know that you enjoyed Tyler in mexico and you guys had a wonderful time. I feel sad that I was not considered or asked to go with your family. I’m sure Tyler was close with your family and knew them better than I do. It’s hard to know that I will probably never be asked to go to Cabos with your family. The worst part is that I would have asked my family if you could go with us on our family vacations, especially if I had a free ticket.
I started to think about this not before but after Scott had begun to ask me why I wasn’t going. The thought had not crossed my mind. There has always been things that I would gladly do for you but that you have never considered returning the favor. I knew that once you received a pay check to buy food you would not come on the week days to see me in Denver and when I asked you said that you would. I would never eat a meal with out giving you or making you the same. It was an unspoken rule that I would never let you be hungry if I could help it. I never received the same. I knew that when it came to your happiness you would always choose that over me. I knew that if Jeff had taken an interest in you then I would have lost you forever, and perhaps for the better.
Recently, you’ve learned more about my past and ultimately about my future. When we knew each other, but not well enough, I began to ask questions. Many of them I didn’t want to know the answer too but asked anyway because I wanted to know what you valued in life. I knew that you might leave me if I stopped having sex with you. I knew that you might have sex with Christopher if you had enough alcohol. I knew that if I had an opinion it would only stand true in your mind if and only if you experienced without taking my word for it. I knew that the time I spent with you wasn’t as important to you as it was for me, and it showed every month on the 14th.
There have been times in the past where you have hurt me based on your actions, unknowingly. We’ve grown to know each other better than I’ve ever been with another human being. I hope we can continue our union but in the case that we cannot I wanted to write this letter of prediction. A letter stating that we may not make it in this life or the next but that it was an experience that will last a life time, and for the most part, I enjoyed the ride.
You understand more than anyone the nature of hormones in my body and mind. I have sacrificed many days and nights of dreams that were once mine and never will be again, for you. This letter is a statement of truth that will prove to me that our love is greater than the physical world. What ever comes in the future can only tell your true feelings for me. From here on out I will not have sex with you for one month. I will refrain in any way possible to see my convictions through to the end. My prediction and hypothesis is that you will leave me, in your own way. I asked you once, if you would leave me if sex was not part of our relationship and without hesitation the answer was apparent.
Your greatest value in life is to love and be loved and if sex is what you care about then I understand.
Sincerely yours,
Michael DeSantes

new begining

how do you have a new begining? start with what you know, add a little of what you don't know and find what you want and take action

the ultimate success formula
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Satisfaction is the death of desire

Yesterday was good I watched californiacation the tv show and now I’m getting through season two. I laid around with Shannon on the couch and had lunch with my grandparents. We went to noodles today I have a date with Scott Aller at the very same noodles but it’s good because I have a couple of questions I have to ask him that I wanted to know. I feel like he’s the man to ask at least to get started. I hope we can develop a long relationship that we can work together to make money on. It makes me very excited and I get the feeling this will be very good for both of our careers. If everything comes through I will be able to make plenty of money in the music industry and I need to get the flow of making music videos like the real deal. I need to look at how people went about it in the first place. My next step is how. How do I make a music video? Who does Scott know that would I would be able to examine the way they went about making a music video. There has to be several different methods and there’s never one way to do something. 100,000. Keep it in mind. What are you here for?

Today wasn't nearly as productive as I thought it would be only because i had a mere glimpse of a spectacular goal setting work shop. A revelation that would give me motivation to do anything I wanted in life. however this was not the case. why does my mind change so drastically from one decision the the next? i feel like I could barley count on all my fingers how many times I change my mind. Shannon’s right I am a very indecisive person when It comes to making a move. I just see if from different angles so many times that I get off track and start heading in different directions. i hope shannon is happy with our relationship. I get the feeling that I start being a michael and she gets annoyed at who i am and what I like to do. I don't give her enough attention. She makes sacrifices everyday to be with me and when I get home I don't even spend time with her. I just have so many things on my mind and if i don't do something about it i might loose it forever. On the other hand, i might loose her forever. Life is so complicated. Your basking in the sun one minute and your rotting in shadow deaf the next. I hope I take full advantage of my choices and circumstances in this time of my life. I can't afford to give up now. I'm happy with what i've chosen and I am an able minded individual. A strategist who has the world at my fingertips. I am blessed with the will of seven horses pulling the gold of a high nobleman. The faster I pull it the more I will reap the rewards of life. Give me strength lord to do the things that need to be done. Let me see that I have made the right decisions and give me hope for the future so that I may strive to succeed and accomplish my goals. Help me to feel my goals becoming more prevalent in my life. Give me energy to keep going because I know wheat awaits me. Thank you universe for giving me this wonderful apartment and good roommates. A beautiful girlfriend and a wonderful family. I am very fortunate to live in the US where it truly is the land of opportunity. Give me peace when I am in need and lead me not into temptation but deliver me power strength and wisdom for ever and ever.

for what it's worth

Today was well worth getting up. me and shannon had a fight but we hopefully worked it out but there may be lingering thoughts about life and we seem to fight about the same stuff al the time. I did have a wonderful time shooting on the set of what seems to be a very promising director. he needs to get the pre production scene down before he shoots so he can be more efficient but I like his style and his character and he has the right attitude for this business. I keep talking to samantha fennel. I sometimes think she was my high school sweet heart that i never got to spend time with. I was the one who called it off with her but not for the reasons of her but because i didn't know what i wanted. I really wish I could take her out on a date but that would be totally against the rules because she knows that I’m dating shannon and she has a lot of pictures on her facebook of her hanging out with kate Quinn so I’m sure she still has a lot in common with will and his family. I sometimes wonder if kate quinn had her baby? tomorrow I start my first day as an adult. I think I wont go back to school. I scared but I believe that anything is possible and it might go against everything that people have told me but i want to re invent my life and prove to myself that success is possible. I need to find peace with what I need to do with my life and I should be able to attain my goals or at least take a good stab at them. I will write down a tado list for the day and then work on my long term goals and how I plan to accomplish them. The steps that I will need and a plan to attract them into my life. these goals include working out money gifts people that i want to influence me and what I plan to accomplish in the years to come. Now is the time. my life has changed. what i do from now on determines where my life will go. be guided to be who ever you want to be. let the universe show you who you really are. meditate discover and determine your own future.

Lost in translation

Sometimes I feel alone and that I'm not understood. I spend almost every waking moment with Shannon and it takes a tole on my heart for several reasons. She's so amazing to me but she was once someone else's and it drives me into a sad state. She was so beautiful and young when she was with him. Now when i look at the pictures that she keeps in her memories photo album is makes me sad. I wish that i didn't have a urge to look. I can't fight the urge to ask about hear about her special anniversaries or birthdays with candles. It seems so romantic. I tried to take a swim with her last night and it was really sweet. (after I saw one of my ex girl friends) I was swimming with her and she had her arms wrapped around me and I went to kiss her and all I got was a tongue. It's a cute game we used to play but it definitely killed to mood when we were together. This game is something that she did when we were first dating and it turned into a very unpleasant, romantic killer. I wish I could connect on another level with her. It seems like were in very different places in our lives. I do know that I love her.
When we were first dating I couldn't get her to shut up about ex and now I can't stop thinking about her when she was with him. Thinking about sex, romantic memories, vacations, and special summer activities. I was never her first and I will never be. I wish I could be more apart of her life. I just picked up where he left off and now all the memories we have are watching tv and eating pizza. Maybe we will grow closer when we are further apart. Or maybe we will be pulled apart by our different lives. I hope I get to spend the rest of our lives together but I know there will be an empty place in me if we were to ever separate.